Our lives to this point

**It is my goal in this blog to be honest about my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions as the spouse of a cross-dresser. They will not always be politically correct or even nice but they are honest. I will be the first to admit that I may have caused some damage to my marriage in the way that I have approached his cross-dressing but through this blog I am hoping he and I can start an honest dialog thereby making our marriage stronger. Everyone knows that when they put their words out there they will be judged and I firmly believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I am more than happy to read your input on my blog, I hope to learn from you as you learn from me. I ask that you be polite and considerate when expressing yourselves. This blog is about two people who love each other, love their children, and are trying to make a life where everyone is happy and fulfilled.**

 

Our lives to this point

 

  I know I was lucky in the fact that Elvis was honest with me from the start of our relationship about his cross-dressing. For many years it was simply women’s panties under his clothes, dressing at home, and I didn’t notice it affecting our lives one way or another.  We graduated, Elvis joined the military, we moved, we married, and then Elvis started to fully dress and talk about us going out together with him as “Evita.” I balked, it felt to me that I was losing my strong masculine husband to this “other woman.” I tried to give as much as I could to that area of our relationship but preferred to ignore it, to just pretend it wasn’t happening.


  Then came another move and our first daughter, Enid. I used her as an excuse to completely ignore the issue of cross-dressing in our marriage. I felt that Evita could have her time because I had my baby girl and she was all that mattered.

 

  Again we moved and Elvis found a group of men who attended meetings for cross-dressers and then went out for dinner or dancing afterwards. Evita came out fully into our lives at this time, I suppose she was always there but I had succeeded in ignoring her for so long it was a shock to me and to our marriage. As Evita started to come more every month I found myself drawing away from Elvis and our marriage. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to approach the situation and I was so angry at myself for the feelings I was having towards him. My greatest fear is that I will hurt Elvis by something I say, by a look I give, by not accepting all of who he is. I truly feel that if I were to hurt him in that way I may break apart at the seams. (Dramatic sounding I know but I am a very emotional person and this is the feeling I have.)

 

  During this trying time for our marriage I became pregnant with our second daughter, Estrid. Again, I chose the easy way out and threw myself into our two daughters while moving Elvis into a corner of my life. As I devoted myself to being a mother Elvis began exploring the world as Evita even more. I was angry, so very angry at him for being so selfish and not taking into account how his choices with his cross-dressing were affecting my feelings. I started to build up a lot of resentment and anger towards him, it kept growing on itself and I started pushing him away not only emotionally but physically. Oh I kidded myself that the physical wall was because I had just had another baby for god’s sake and I didn’t feel sexual at all but deep inside I knew the real reason was the cross-dressing.

 

  I came to the point where I wanted him to travel for work more then to be at home, but then I would be angry at being trapped at home with a four year old and an infant. When Elvis travels Evita goes out more nights then are possible at home. Poor Elvis couldn’t do anything right, I was constantly either snapping at him or ignoring him. I asked Elvis to reach out to his cross-dressing friends and see if he could find a counselor for us to see, I love him and I knew I would lose him if life continued on this way.

This is where we are today, fourteen years together, the lucky parents of two smart and beautiful girls, Elvis has a career in the military where he excels, I currently stay home where I try to keep the children and the pets alive, and our future is a work in progress.